I haven't written in a long time, long enough to say safely that it feels kinda weird when I begin to write and expect my words to be in harmony with what I feel. I work for a 'software company' see (dont ask me to explain that) and I can safely bet that those who know the feeling will sympathise with me when I say they'll kill your imagination before they kill you with the monotony. It feels like an imposed hiatus I've come out of. :-) . Needless to say it feels good.

When I ask myself how this one year has been, I can single out this year of 'independence' as the being the one which has taught me the most. Not ideologically, but in terms of practicality. Its amazing how objective you can get when innocence sloughs off and what replaces it is cold practicality. Its probably not the best, but if you can't dish it out, you'll be taken in. Sure there have been major disappointments, the biggest one being that a 'job' is a job and nothing beyond earning yourself a living. (I speak for myself, plz refer to my profession in case of doubts). All those Roark-like ideas of equating it to life are safely stacked behind and I don't think I'll bring them out for a long long time. That does not mean I do not equate the two, I do, ideally. But life isn't always. And this year has taught me that, truly, in the best possible way.

The second thing that this year has made me is turn from an atheist to an agnostic. Do not mistake me to be your regular 'I-dont believe-in-God-show-me-where-He-exists' type before, its just that my ideas of a 'God' if you'd like to call it that were (and still are) so radically different from anyone i've ever met that if I ever begin to explain what He means to me, I get a o-you're-an-atheist response, so I begin by saying I am one. Yes, what I'm getting at now is, from being one who didnt believe that religion (as it is percieved) can be a calming factor, I have realised it is. In that sense, I am an agnostic.

In this respect I'l sign of with two extreme qoutes from two people I admire:

Hopton Stoddard: "You are a profoundly religious man Mr. Roark, in your own way. I see that in your buildings"
Roark: "Thats true".
(Source: Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead).

Hobbes: Do you think there is a God?
Calvin: Well, SOMEBODYs out to get me..
(Source: Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes)